5 Easy Ways to Say Yes to Your Kids Without Being a Pushover
Parenting isn’t easy, but saying “No” tends to be. CanCan Mom shows you how to say yes to your kids without being a pushover.
CanCan Mom’s creative routines and schedules make motherhood easier and more fun. Interact with love and laughter more often than impatience by incorporating my unique Quick Steps into your daily family life!
-CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Moms Crushing It with CanCan Quick Steps
When we say ‘Yes’ to reasonable requests, we give our children the chance to grow. When we habitually say ‘No,’ or do so without good cause, we deny them the chance to fully enjoy the carefree pleasures of childhood.
Here are 5 ways you can become a “Yes” parent in your daily life without becoming a pushover:
- Make it a “Yes” Day
- Be Creative When Doling Out a “Yes”
- Turn Your “No” Around
- Say “Yes” With Conditions
- Saying “Yes” to Teens
Saying Yes to Yes, Without Being a Pushover
Childhood sets the tone for how a child views himself, others, and the world. That’s why parents need to say ‘Yes’ more often then kids can take full advantage of the many opportunities childhood offers.
Tip 1: Make it a “Yes” Day
Give your kids a big surprise and announce that you’re going to devote an entire day to everything “Yes”—within reason, of course.
You won’t be saying “Yes” to anything that would endanger your child, like playing in the middle of the street or anything too expensive or things that could cause him to get ill, like eating 20 chocolate chip cookies in one sitting. But otherwise, reasonable requests would be met with a resounding “Yes.”
A recent Yes Day in our house started with an informal family meeting explaining we would be focusing on as many positive actions/responses as possible. This included even silly things like taking a bath with the dog and filling the ice cube trays with red fruit punch rather than plain water.
After making the initial announcement, I laid out the very brief limitations (safety, physical well-being, cost, etc.), and we were off and running.
For extra fun, I had the kids keep count of every time I said the words “Yes” instead of my usual “No” responses. The tally was a pleasing 65 to 15—a Yes Day indeed!
You might want to keep a Yes Day journal to track the positive outcomes of becoming a more positive parent. Give yourself one point for each time you say “Yes” when you ordinarily would have said “No.” Also, give yourself extra credit every time you come up with a creative way to say “Yes”!
When you hit 100 points, reward yourself with a special treat. Why can’t parenting be a sporting event? You work hard. You do the best you can every day. Celebrate your wins!
–CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Tip 2: Be Creative When Doling Out a “Yes” Without Being a Pushover
All parents know that at the end of a long day, it can be almost rote to respond “no” to your child’s zany and sometimes irritating requests.
The first step in becoming a “Yes” mom or dad is to be conscious of how you are actually responding.
For example, just minutes before we sit down to dinner, my kids are notorious for clamoring in the kitchen and looking for something to eat. “We’re starving! Can we have a snack?” they whine. My normal response is, “Please get out of the kitchen until I serve dinner.”
Lately, I’ve been trying a new response that has a more positive spin. “I know you’re really hungry, so why don’t you wash up, grab a few of those grapes I have on the counter, or butter up a piece of that Italian bread on the kitchen island, and then come help me put the meal on the table so we can all sit down and eat faster.”
Tip 3: Turn Your “No” Around, Say Yes to Your Kids
Kids are famous for asking to do something at the most inopportune moment or doing so in front of their friends, thinking you will cave to their request.
For example, this past weekend, my 10-year-old son wanted to invite one of his friends over for a sleepover and asked me right in front of the kid, which really put me on the spot.
“Can Jake sleep over tonight, Mom? We already asked his mom, and she said yes.” (Don’t you just love it?)
Instead of saying, “No, not tonight,” I said: “Yes, Jake can sleep over, but not tonight, as Dad and I already made plans to go out. How does next Friday night sound instead?”
This way didn’t leave much room for argument—and also didn’t embarrass him in front of his friend. Win-Win!
Tip 4: Say “Yes” With Conditions
If you don’t want always to say no, try saying “yes” with conditions.
For example: if your middle schooler asks if she can go to the movies even though it’s a school night, you can say, “Yes, as long as I see that your homework is complete and you’ve put your clean laundry away.”
That’s a far more positive way to respond rather than, “You never get your homework done on time or help out around the house, so the answer is ‘no.'”
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Tweens and teens test authority as they need room to grow and learn responsibility at this age more than ever. That’s why finding ways to say Yes and empower them can really contribute towards building their self-esteem while teaching them to be accountable for their actions. One way to respond to a request from your teen that has left you truly undecided is to say you’re not sure.
For example: let’s say you pay your son an allowance for mowing the grass each week, but he blows through the money quickly. When the weekend rolls around, he has nothing left for activities with friends, like going out for pizza or to a concert. He comes to you for some more pocket money. What do you do?
Instead of saying, “No way! You’re irresponsible with your money,” tell him you’re not sure unless he offers up some concrete solutions as to how he can manage his allowance better. This puts the onus on him to come up with a good financial strategy.
Another response instead of yelping a quick “No” is to say, “I would love to, however…” This is a good way of saying “no” when you really can’t say “Yes.”
For example, my 17-year-old son just got his driver’s license and is asking to borrow the car frequently. He wanted to go to a football game with his friend, but I had an appointment to have my hair cut at the same time.
Instead of telling him, “No, I need the car,” I asked him to see if he could figure out a way to work around my appointment so he could still borrow it. I put the emphasis on finding a solution back on him—and he offered to drop me off at my hair appointment after asking my daughter to pick me up. Win-Win!
What Happens When You Say Yes Creatively?
Try it and find out! You won’t be disappointed—and neither will your kids.
Do you have variations of how to say “Yes” more often in your home? Share your thoughts and ideas in the comment selection below or email me at thecancanmom@gmail.com.
