5 Practical Ways to Boost Your Teen’s Self-Esteem
Try these five practical ways to boost your teen’s self-esteem with peer pressure, changing bodies, and excelling in academics and sports.
Moms Crush It with Quick Steps
Boost your teen’s self-esteem and set them up for success with the following tips:
1. Give them responsibilities to show you trust them with important tasks.
2. Encourage them to become problem solvers to show you’re confident they can meet life’s challenges.
3. Let them take healthy risks to let them explore and build resilience.
4. Connect regularly and be a thoughtful listener to show them you care.
5. Praise their efforts, not their innate qualities (to keep the focus on things they can control.
Tip 1: Give Them Responsibilities
Let your teen know just how capable you think they are by trusting them with responsibilities.
As a working mom, I rely on help with meals. My kids know they’ll be starting dinner on the days I get home late. They understand the benefits we all receive when I work extra hours. By sharing the responsibilities of weekly dinners, my teens know I’m counting on them. I value their participation, and so does the rest of the family. See Also: 4 Great Reasons Meal Planning is a Must for a Happier Family Life
Communicating your needs is key. When your teen knows he’s fulfilling an important role, his self-esteem will grow.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Tip 2: Encourage Your Teen to Become Problem Solver
Kids develop self-esteem by doing things that are new or difficult for them. Babies learn to crawl and then walk. Young children learn to tie their shoes, ride bicycles, and read.
As parents, we cheer on these milestone events. As they grow, kids continue to master new skills, leaving them with a great sense of pride. These accomplishments help build a foundation for strong self-esteem. (Not to mention, problem-solving skills ranked third out of 16 in The Harvard Business Review’s study on successful leaders.)
Teens face daily challenges. They navigate peer pressure, meet school deadlines, and learn new skills to be part of a sports team. Our job as parents is not to solve everything for them; it’s to teach them how to find their own solutions.
How?
Ask your teen for input about everyday family decisions. Does she want more privacy? Have her brainstorm ways to create a nook for herself. Let your son coordinate carpooling for soccer practice. What’s her advice to her younger sister for handling friend rejection?
You have endless opportunities to invite your child to share their insights. And, in the process, you’ll demonstrate that you trust and value their judgment.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Ask your kids for advice when you’re struggling with something. For example: when my mother passed away, I needed to get her home ready to sell. The process was endless, so I asked my teens for advice on finding a fair way to distribute her things. They found dozens of creative ways to streamline the process. It was helpful for me, and they felt great knowing they made a positive impact.
Tip 3: Let Your Child Take Healthy Risks
From the moment your baby is born, it’s your job to nurture and protect him. You do everything you can to keep him healthy and safe from harm. Standing back and letting your child fend for himself can be exasperating. But, allowing space to explore and take risks is an incredible tool for building self-esteem.
Susan Sachs Lipman, the author of Fed Up With Frenzy: Slow Parenting in a Fast-Moving World, says sometimes we have to show kids what risk looks like. In the article” Why Our Kids Should Take Risks—Sometimes Even (Slightly) Dangerous Ones,” she said, “Most of the traits we want for our kids—resilience, confidence, empathy, academic achievement—flourish when parents and children have time to be together and experience role modeling and positive support.”
Also, new experiences can offer another healthy tool to feel successful and confident.
– CanCan Mom Cheryl L. Butler
My eight kids and I went white river rafting several years ago. It was out of my comfort zone, but my kids loved that we were doing it together. We hit a few rough spots but enjoyed the experience. It was thrilling and satisfying to see everyone do so well.
Tip 4: Connect Regularly and be a Thoughtful Listener
Kids want to know that they rank highly in our busy lives. But we all get caught up in the grind of work, running a household, and trying to keep up with finances and bills.
Regarding family life with our teens, it’s easy to be lax with our interactions. Look for opportunities throughout your busy day and week to connect with your teenager. When you do, you send an important message: “You mean a lot to me!”
Richa Bhatia, MD, a dual Board Certified Child, Adolescent, and Adult Psychiatrist, recommends that parents and their kids spend at least 10 to 20 minutes of meaningful time together each day. Engage in an activity of your teen’s choice or discuss a subject they’re interested in. Bhatia encourages parents to set the goal of being active listeners when connecting with their teens. This reinforces that you care, building their self-worth.
Your child knows when you’re listening, so make important moments count.
By giving him your full attention, you’re teaching him what good listening skills are.
– CanCan Mom Cheryl L. Butler
EXTRA CREDIT
For a heartfelt look at a teen’s view on self-esteem, watch a TEDxYOUTH talk by Caileigh Lydon, a ninth-grade student.
Tip 5: Praise Their Efforts, Not Their Innate Qualities
Praise is a powerful tool, especially when given genuinely for a job well done.
But make sure to praise your kids for their efforts and not for innate qualities and traits they can’t control. We can’t all be natural-born geniuses, but we can work hard to expand our knowledge. Most of us aren’t born looking like models, but we can have fun with creative self-expression.
Three of my children overcame significant learning disabilities. Their progress was slow but steady. We learned from the experts that the best way to praise children with low self-esteem is to compliment them on their behavior.
Here are two examples—go for praising their efforts:
Praising a quality—You’re so smart!
Praising effort—the extra time you spent on your science project really paid off!
Praising a quality—You look beautiful!
Praising effort—Wow! I love the creativity you put into planning your outfit today.
Constructive praise helps kids to appreciate their own efforts.
Compliment your teen’s unique style and how it makes her shine.
Self-Esteem in a Teen
Self-esteem comes from working hard toward a goal and feeling good about it.
Your trust, encouragement, communication, and praise encourage your teen’s successful efforts and build their self-esteem—and cement your success as a loving and actively caring parent.
In what ways have you helped you boost your teen’s self-esteem? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
