Here Are 5 Simple Ways to Reduce Sibling Rivalry
Sibling squabbles are a constant source of frustration. Here are five simple ways to reduce sibling rivalry and create growth and family harmony.
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It’s a fact—where two or more children are in a family, there’s sibling rivalry. Try these five tips in your home to encourage more kindness and less competition.
- Try a Leader of the Day Program
- Encourage Respect for Personal Turf
- Take Away the Target
- Create Sibling Bonding Activities
- Issue Boarding Passes for Car Rides
How to Reduce Sibling Rivalry
Squabbles amongst siblings are a constant source of frustration for families. As much as we’d rather not have our kids at each other’s throats all day, sibling rivalry is a normal part of family life. Sigh!
Why do sibs squabble? There are many reasons—stress, being overly tired or hungry, not feeling well, or being protective of possessions are common themes. The ultimate reason, however, is that it’s challenging for kids to share Mom and Dad with others, particularly their siblings.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Sibling jealousy, which leads to continuous rivalry, stems from each child’s deep desire for the exclusive love of his parents.
How a parent deals with sibling friction, however, can help turn feuds into opportunities for growth and harmony.
A book with terrific insight—Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish—explains that the experts in this field agree: sibling jealousy, which leads to continuous rivalry, stems from each child’s deep desire for the exclusive love of his parents.
While raising my eight kids, who were very close in age, I knew that although I had plenty of love to go around for each of them, it was also vital that they knew it.
Here are five simple but positive ways you can show each child love and help them constructively manage their sibling setbacks.
Tip 1: Try a Leader of the Day program
Once, my kindergartener snuck into her big sister’s bedroom and helped herself to the colorful Sharpies on the desk. The bloodcurdling screams from my older child led me right to the scene of the crime—the bathroom. My five-year-old was using the markers to makeover her doll and herself!
I was preoccupied with a work project and hadn’t spent much time with her. Now, she had my undivided attention—and that is often the case! My kids would aggravate one another to get me to interact with them.
One way to be proactive in keeping the peace is to find ways to shower your kids with special time. We started a fun practice called “Leader of the Day.” We rotated kids into the leadership role twice a week (we chose Monday and Friday). Leaders have to do things like selecting a dinner item, picking the TV shows for the evening, and having exclusive one-on-one time with Mom or Dad.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Because each child knew they would regularly have a turn at being the family leader, it drastically cut down on the routine battles for attention.
Tip 2: Encourage Respect for Personal Turf
Most kids have a favorite possession. Although the art of sharing is an important life skill, forcing siblings to share beloved items can undermine their feelings of security and cause resentment.
Keep special toys and spaces off-limits amongst siblings.
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When my kids were younger, the majority of the toys and games in the playroom belonged to all of them. Each child also had a bin marked with their name. Items belonged exclusively to the child whose name was on the bin unless he or she decided to share.
We also created individual nooks within our home designated for activities like reading, arts and crafts, or quiet time. Establishing these boundaries taught our siblings to respect each other’s turf.
Tip 3: Take Away the Target
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is teach our children to work out squabbles independently. A sibling relationship offers the ideal environment for learning life skills like negotiating and compromising with peers and coworkers.
When I see trouble brewing between my kids, I try to wait it out. (Unless, of course, the argument gets physical, and someone might get hurt.) I quietly observe, and if the squabbling continues, I give them gentle reminders and warnings. I also count to three. My kids know that if I reach three and the problem isn’t resolved, I will intervene, and they’ll have to deal with the consequences.
Another simple strategy is to remove the item that’s causing the fight. If they can’t agree on how to share the X-Box, I take it away. They’ll get it back the following day or when they can show me they’re able to interact appropriately.
Tip 4: Create Sibling Bonding Activities
Teamwork is essential for building healthier relationships among siblings. When brothers and sisters work together to achieve goals, they learn to bond rather than compete.
For ideas, watch this YouTube video, How to be Kind to Your Sibling, which shares some heartfelt ways that siblings can show each other love.
Visit Pinterest for some creative and fun sibling kindness charts you can use. Once my older kids got driver’s licenses, their relationship with their younger siblings took a positive turn. Older kids are able to drive their younger siblings to a friend’s house or team practice. After, they stop to get ice cream or a burger. It warms a mother’s heart to see her children enjoying time together, and there’s the bonus of getting help with transport.
Another way to keep the peace is to get crafty. Check out 13 Exciting Things to Do with Your Younger Brother or Sister. (The magnetic car looks super fun!) Note these are projects for siblings old enough not to need close supervision.
Tip 5: Issue Boarding Passes for Car Rides
One of my favorite parenting hacks ever is issuing boarding passes for the car. This idea solved all my transport hassles and made our driving excursions fun!
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
Here’s how it works:
I started by figuring out seating positions. I decided the driver’s side of our SUV would be Side A and the passenger’s Side B.
We have three rows of seats, so I named each spot “Side A, Middle Row, Window Seat” or “Side B, Back Row, Middle Seat.” Then, I typed up descriptions of each seating position and glued them to pieces of heavy cardstock.
If I know we’re going to have a seating war, I issue each child his boarding pass before our departure, and they know that this is where they are to sit, no questions asked.
I make sure to rotate the seats regularly so that everyone gets a turn in their favorite spots. Driving is much more pleasant now. That is until they start in about what radio station we should listen to!
Grab your FREE Boarding Pass Printable Here
How does your family squash sibling squabbles? For all kinds of mom-centered creative ideas, visit me on Instagram at CanCanMomCB or on Pinterest at theCanCanMom. If you have questions or suggestions, email me at cheryl@cancanmom.com or leave a comment in the box below.
