How to Create a Deep and Loving Mother-Son Bond

The relationship between a mom and her son is special. Check out five ways to create a deep and loving mother-son bond.

Moms Crushing It with CanCan Quick Steps

Here are five ways to strengthen your relationship with the boy who holds your heartstrings:

1. Get into the groove of communicating with a boy
2. Teach him communication skills early
3. Encourage his interests
4. Teach him what you know
5. Lead through your example

Tip 1: Get into the Groove of Communicating With A Boy

Some boys do a lot of communicating through their actions rather than their words. An over-tired seven-year-old boy may not tell you he’s exhausted, let alone suggest going to bed early. Instead, he may jump on the couch, race down the hallway, or grab a ball and start throwing it around as you keep a nervous eye on a lamp or the beautiful vase on the hallway table.

If your son is the silent type, tune in to his non-verbal communication from an early age.

If your 14-year-old son suffers emotional pain, he may retreat to his bedroom to be alone rather than pull up a stool at the kitchen island to talk it out. Or if he’s excited about making the final cut for the baseball team, rather than immediately sharing the good news, he might head to the backyard with his ball and glove and process his achievement quietly.

Kenneth Ginsburg, author of Raising Kids to Thrive  and co-director of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, shared this great advice:

When you feel like you have to dive in too deeply at every single moment, you might actually push your son away. You might go for a walk or go fishing or just be present, and after 30 minutes or three hours of silence, the nuggets will start coming out.

Kenneth Ginsburg

Parents need to be willing to tolerate the quiet while their son reflects and trust that communication will happen at the right moment. If your son is the silent type, tune in to his non-verbal communication from an early age. You’ll be better able to recognize when he needs extra encouragement or some one-on-one time to help him open up and talk to you about what’s on his mind.

Tip 2: Teach Him Communication Skills Early

Healthy communication also includes teaching our kids to listen, not just talk. Get into the practice of modeling good listening skills and validating your son’s feelings and accomplishments.

Start early, right from the time when he’s a little ball of energy who wants you to celebrate his mud castle in the backyard. Get excited and connect at his level. Listen to him tell you all about how he built it. Ask specific questions that will engage a two-way conversation. With you modeling good listening skills, he’ll be more likely to become a person who can both listen and articulate emotions and ideas.

The most valuable tool I’ve found in communicating with my five guys is to validate feelings. Whether he was thrilled with how the championship soccer game went or was hurting because the cute girl in history class declined his invitation to the prom, giving him my undivided attention and validating his pain was the key and strengthened our mother and son relationship.

I believe one of the most heartwarming books ever written honoring the mother-son parenting journey is Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. If you’re discovering this book for the first time, be sure to have some tissues handy!

The book, Love You Forever is a must-have in your mother-son library!

Tip 3: Encourage His Interests

My oldest was a girl. She defined “little girl” in every imaginable way. We threw tea parties, had make-believe princess outings, and decorated her room in all things pink and sparkly.

Then, along came son number one. I was thrilled to have a daughter and a son to love and cherish. As my playful young son grew into a toddler and then reached school age, I soon realized that his spunky and rambunctious nature fueled his interests. Experimenting with the mud in our driveway was a thrill for him. Sending a ball sailing across the yard with his giant plastic bat was pure joy.

Making the time to connect to your son’s interests is the sturdy glue that cements that strong mother-son bond.

Five boys later, I learned that it’s important to be able to speak each son’s language. For some, race cars, football season, and making or getting cut from a prominent spot on a school sports team were their life. Another cared less about sports and relished time tinkering in the garage with tools and grease.

I wanted to be a part of their lives and have a solid mother-and-son relationship, so I paid great attention to their interests and desires. My sons would light up with enthusiasm when I was able to chat with them about that new football draft pick, cars, or any of the topics of interest to them.

Build a strong connection with your son by taking an interest in his hobby.

Tip 4: Teach Him What You Know

Growing up as the oldest of five siblings, I fondly remember how my parents entrusted us to learn new things.

My mom thought it necessary to teach her children skills as soon as we were ready.

Before my birthdays even numbered in the double digits, I’d learned to cook basic meals like eggs, pasta, and casseroles. Being able to navigate the laundry room was the norm. Figuring out the sales at our local grocery store became a no-brainer. I also learned how to care for the kitchen, keep dust bunnies at bay, and put toys away in a reasonable manner—as did my siblings.

The best part—is my mother made it fun! My sister, three brothers, and I enjoyed taking part in the upkeep of our home thanks to my mother’s relaxed way of trusting us with responsibilities.

By teaching your son all the life skills you’ve learned, you’ll strengthen your mother-son bond and give him a set of tools to help him navigate life as an adult.

Tip 5: Lead Through Your Example

Moms can make a lifelong impact on their sons by leading through example. What are the core values you want to instill in your kids? I believe in respect, honesty, loyalty, gratitude, and kindness. I grew up with the mantra, “Actions speak louder than words.” It was important to me that my boys saw me living these values, not just paying them lip service.

Showing others kindness is something I never skimp on, and I make a point of demonstrating this in front of my boys. Last week an elderly lady was short a few dollars in line at the grocery store. She was going to put an item back, but I told her I wanted to pay it forward and help her. She was delighted, and I felt terrific being able to help. My 18-year-old son was with me and told me how cool it was to observe this interaction.

I take time for myself to read, watch a movie, take power walks, or go out with friends. When I demonstrate that self-care is important to me, I tell my kids that they should value their health and mental well-being. They also learn to respect the self-care needs of the people they interact with, from siblings to friends to future partners and children.

The Results

Spending time communicating, listening, teaching, and motivating your son while he’s under your roof paves the way for a solid, loving relationship with you now and when he’s all grown up and under his own roof.

What special ways do you strengthen your mother-son bond? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.