6 Simple Ways to Get Your Young Child to Cooperate
Frustrated when your young child won’t listen? Try these six simple ways to get your young child to cooperate.
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When your child refuses to follow your instructions, it’s easy to get frustrated and into a power struggle with them.
Here are six simple tips to encourage cooperation from your child:
- Keep it Simple—It’s the Best Way to Get Your Young Child to Cooperate
- Connect on Their Level
- Offer Two Choices
- Make the Situation Fun
- Lead by Example
- Positive Re-enforcement
Tip 1: Keep it Simple—It’s the Best Way to Get Your Young Child to Cooperate
Kids need concise expectations. If you want to grab and keep their attention, you need to communicate exactly what they can or cannot do in simple terms that they understand.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
For example, “You need to get off the bed,” rather than “Don’t jump on the bed.”
I’ve found that if you get into a dissertation about how upset you are that she’s jumping on the bed and could fall and hurt herself and then not be able to visit Grandma that afternoon, plus she’s ruining the furniture and so on, you will face more opposition.
Keep your request simple and maintain a calm but firm voice when doing so, and you’ll start to see some positive results.
Tip 2: Connect on Their Level
If we literally get down on our toddler’s level, sitting on the floor and making eye contact while he’s playing with a stack of blocks, you’re sending him the message that you want to relate in a way that makes sense to him. This is particularly helpful when children are upset, because the physical gesture shows you are talking to them as opposed to talking down to them.
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Connecting at your child’s appropriate age level also means explaining your request in easy-to-follow language that she can relate to.
For example, if getting ready for school is a challenge because your child is too distracted by a TV program or playing with toys, spell out clearly what your expectations are. Also, relate their actions to positive outcomes.
“First, we are going to eat our cereal, and then we are going to brush our teeth.”
If your child asks, “Why?” or says, “But I don’t want to,” it helps to give reasons that resonate with them.
“You need to eat a healthy breakfast to keep your body full of energy for the day so you can play with your friends at school. We need to brush our teeth so that we keep them nice and strong to help us eat yummy meals and snacks.”
Tip 3: Offer Two Choices
Offering your child choices is one of the oldest tricks in the parenting book. Yet we overlook this simple strategy because we want an instant result when he/she is acting out and not following our instructions. Then, we get frustrated and end up with a power struggle where negativity and crankiness win out.
For example, at a Fall Fest, we attended, a little girl was giving her mother grief about not wanting to participate in the pumpkin painting.
The girl’s mother tried to sell that pumpkin painting with everything she had and then began to bargain with her that if she stayed and painted one, she could have some cotton candy and apple cider and then go in the corn maze. The daughter would have been more apt to give pumpkin painting a whirl if she had the simple choice to do so.
Give just two choices as more options become overwhelming.
For example, “Abby, would you like to do the face painting or pumpkin painting first?”
Even if your child refuses either of your choices, you can still enforce your request with a similar response. “Abby, I know you’d like to go home and play with your dolls—and we will be able to go pretty soon—but first, let’s have some fun with face painting or painting a pumpkin before we leave.”
This allows the child to feel some sense of control even though she didn’t get to leave when she wanted to.
If you offer the choices calmly, you’ll be teaching her to make decisions independently and to control her emotions.
Tip 4: Make the Situation Fun
Sometimes, your child won’t cooperate because he doesn’t want to stop playing. If you can keep your wits about you and make the request into something fun and playful, you have a far better chance of getting them to cooperate sooner rather than later.
–CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
One of my sons used to hate to leave nursery school each day. He would see me walk in the door and run the other way. (Luckily, I didn’t take it personally!) He was having so much fun playing with his friends and doing their circle time activities that he didn’t want the morning to end.
So, I created a game to entice him into leaving. “Brendan, guess what we’re going to do when we get in the car? We will be pirates and look for clues to find the buried treasure hiding somewhere in our house!” In the beginning, this took a little bit of coaxing, but soon, he’d come to me when I picked him up, asking what our car was going to be that day—a fire engine, a cruise ship, or a train.
The other game I played (and still play) with my kids is called “Remote Control.” When we want to change channels on our TV or lower or raise the volume, we grab our remotes, right?
Well, when I needed my kids to change gears and get ready for dinner or put their clothes away, and they weren’t paying attention, I would take the remote or a pretend one, point it in their direction, and say something silly like, “Pardon me, but I need to interrupt your life at this moment to have you go into your bedrooms and put your clothes away before bedtime.” Then I would make some funny noises like I was truly changing the channels and walk away so they’d know it was time for them to follow my request.
They loved this—and now that they are older—I still do it when someone doesn’t want to do homework, chores, etc.
Tip 5: Lead by Example
If you want your child to adhere to certain rules and values, you must set the example yourself.
For instance, if you’re tired of your daughter’s messy bedroom, how can you expect her to cooperate and take you seriously when you have dozens of outfits from your own closet strewn around your bedroom? (It used to be a very bad habit of mine!)
You can make the cleanup fun by playing several favorite upbeat songs while racing around, putting things away, then hanging clothes up, folding them to place in drawers, or putting them in the laundry hamper. Then, dance in celebration to one last song. Done and fun!
Make it a challenge for more cooperation: you could clean up your room first as they watch. If it takes you five songs, challenge them to see if they can clean their room in four. Who can resist competing—and winning? (Plus, you win either way!) See Also: Top 10 Cool Ways To Make Tidying Up More Fun For Kids
Tip 6: Positive Re-enforcement
I have always been a firm believer in emphasizing all the positive things you see your child doing.
We all love praise and validation for a job well done, but it seems to be human nature that we call attention to the negatives rather than taking the time to notice and comment on what is going well.
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The next time you see your child doing something that you can praise—take the time to let him know.
“It’s really great that you got your backpack ready for school all by yourself!” or “I love how you listened to my directions the first time.”
When your child feels good about what he or she is doing, the more apt he/she will be to comply when you need their cooperation.
Also, your child will learn to do this himself with others.
Last weekend, one of my college kids was home and commented that he feels good going to a restaurant with his family because we say things like, “May I please have a chicken wrap?” rather than “Give me that chicken wrap sandwich.”
I loved hearing one of my kids praise me for raising them with good manners.
Praise is a win/win all the way around!
You may also enjoy 8 Practical Ways to Build Your Toddlers Confidence.
For all kinds of mom-centered creative ideas, visit me on Instagram at CanCanMomCB or on Pinterest at theCanCanMom. If you have questions or suggestions, email me at cheryl@cancanmom.com or leave a comment in the box below.
