6 Cool Ways To Show Your Teen Love This Valentine’s Day
Is your teenager starting to pull away from you? They may be getting older, but they still need to know how much you love them. Here are six ways to show them the love!
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Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be centered around couples and romance.
We love many other deserving people in our lives, like the teenagers in our world who are starting to pull away from us.
Teenagers can sometimes send parents over the edge with their quirky and often disrespectful attitudes, mixed in with defiant actions such as backtalk and ignoring our rules. But underneath this behavior are our babies, who are trying to find their own way during this emotional time in their lives. Valentine’s Day is a great reminder that they also need a little family love.
Here are six ways to show your teen love on Valentine’s Day and throughout the rest of the year as well:
- Allow Them Their Privacy
- Create New Rituals
- Don’t be Touchy Feely
- Do It Their Way
- Physically Be There
- Say I Love You Often
Tip 1: Allow Them Their Privacy
When our kids are young, we are completely hands-on with them. We tickle them and snuggle up on the couch when we watch TV. We tie their shoes, cut their meat, pick them up, and hug them tight when they fall down and get a boo-boo. We are physically a big part of their lives.
We also spend a lot of time in their personal space, such as the room they play in at home and their bedrooms. We enter back and forth without even thinking about it. But all of a sudden, our babies turn into tweens and teens, and we are no longer as easily welcomed into their square footage of life.
One way to show your teen some love is to respect his/her privacy. When my teens come home, they usually head to the kitchen, grab a snack, and then bolt right to their bedrooms, shutting the door behind them. I can relate because if I didn’t have to come home and get dinner started, that’s what I would do, too.
Dr. Peter Marshall, author of Now I Know Why Tigers Eat Their Young, states that a closed bedroom door signals a need for privacy that is not only normal but crucial for teens.
“They’re not just goofing off,” he explains, “They spend a large part of their time just thinking about things, trying to figure out who they are and who they want to become. There’s a lot of work for them to do, and they need some space to do it.”
So let them be until called to dinner. Then, you can encourage them to interact with the rest of the family.
Tip 2: Create New Rituals
You might not be reading them a bedtime story and tucking them into bed with a kiss and a tickle any longer, but teens still find certain rituals soothing and reassuring, whether they admit it or not.
So your 18-year-old son doesn’t want you to hug him goodbye when you hand him the car keys in front of his buddies. Come up with another affectionate gesture that he’ll come to rely on as a sign that all is well between the two of you, such as patting him on the back and quipping something like, “I expect you’ll turn the radio channel back to my station when you return my car full of gas.” Then, give him a warm smile.
Every morning, when my kids leave for school, I still tell them I love them. Then I add: “Have your best day ever.” If I don’t say that to them, they feel something is wrong because now they’ve come to depend on that exchange every morning before leaving the house.
Evaluate the everyday scenes that play out with you and your tween/ teen and try to find a clever way to start a new love ritual with them. When you do this consistently, your child begins to expect it—and secretly loves the attention.
Tip 3: Don’t be Touchy Feely
As I discussed in Tip 2, as our kids get older, we may need to modify how we show affection to them.
The majority of tweens/teens can become uncomfortable with physical contact from their parents, grandparents, and other special people in their lives as they go through puberty, becoming more aware of their developing and changing bodies.
My teen sons are actually more accepting of my hugging them than my teen daughters. Go figure! I’m a hugger, so this has not been easy for me, but I respect their comfort zone and have adapted my “touchy-feely” side to something that puts them at ease. For instance, instead of going in for a big bear hug, I give a small kiss on the cheek and a smile.
One of the best ways you can connect without a hug or a kiss: Stop what you’re doing when your tween/teen comes home and enters the room you are in. Make eye contact immediately and welcome him home with a warm smile. Taking the time to do this shows them you care—that he is still a very important part of your busy life.
Tip 4: One of the Best Ways to Show Your Teen Love is to Do It Their Way
One way to show another human being that you love and care for them is to sincerely show your interest in the things he/she enjoys doing.
One of my teenage sons is totally into Minecraft. I was so not a video person/gamer until I embraced what he was interested in. Now I’m hooked!
Another of my sons likes music I normally don’t enjoy listening to, but it really makes him happy, so what the heck! I listen with him on occasion.
When you genuinely desire to appreciate their favorite team, hobby, or fashion style, you send a big message: I care about you. Your interests are important to me.
Tip 5: Physically Be There
When raising tweens/teens, being engaged and supportive in their daily lives is another big way to say “I love you.”
This means taking the time to:
get to their recitals, performances, and/or sporting events and cheer from the sidelines;
make an effort to have several family meals each week;
put your cell phones in a drawer and instead engage in a conversation with them;
and—if they’re willing to chat—listen without any agenda except to interact with your son/daughter.
In an article written for Partnership for Drug-Free Kids titled “How to Listen to Your Teen and Get Through,” several excellent tips are listed for how to really listen to your teen when she’s trying to tell you something.
The end of the article also offers some great advice: “Don’t worry about being perfect the first time or every time. You’re human, and so is your teen. If you’re struggling with a really challenging subject, tackle it in a series of small talks instead of one big one. If a conversation gets derailed, take a deep breath—and get back on the right track the next time.”
Tip 6: Say I Love You Often
Our teens still need to hear “I love you.” Nobody ever outgrows that.
I firmly believe that when our kids leave for the day, we should tell them we love them.
When I talk on the phone with any of my eight kids, I always end with, “I love you.”
When I text, I end with xoxoxo.
– CanCan Mom, Cheryl L. Butler
I still love to leave little notes in their lunches, on their pillows, or send cards to my kids who are away at college, letting them know I love being their mother—and I love them always.
Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to sneak in a “mushy” sentiment about how much you love your teen. It lays the groundwork for the other 364 days of the year that you can express your unconditional love in many different ways.
You may also enjoy How to Create a Deep and Loving Mother-Son Bond
You may also enjoy 7 Special Ways To Build An Unbreakable Mother-Daughter Bond
How do you show your tween/teen you love them?
For all kinds of mom-centered creative ideas, visit me on Instagram at CanCanMomCB or on Pinterest at theCanCanMom. If you have questions or suggestions, email me at cheryl@cancanmom.com or leave a comment in the box below.
